September 24, 2010
Faith Filled Kids: Obedience
12:00 AM | 
Posted by
Maggie
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My husband and I consider parenting our children our highest calling in life (for right now). We focus our parenting around the goal of utilizing all of the gifts and resources God has gives us to pour into our children, with the intention that they will be able to leave us one day and fulfill the calling God has on their lives. In order to get this outcome we feel like there are a few key components, that we need to equip our children with. Over the next few weeks I will be sharing about these components and how we put them into practice in our home. I hope you enjoy this series as much as I have enjoyed putting it together for you!
Component #2 - Obedience
When God speaks, He does not yell. He does not threaten. He does not take measures to make us do what He wants us to do. He speaks in a still small voice and He waits patiently for us to obey. When parenting our children and equipping them for God's Purpose in their lives, my husband and I desire this type of obedience. This type of obedience does not come from the fear of a spanking or a thump on the hand. It is not loud or begrudging or fearful. It is quiet, joyful and trusting. Sound too good to be true? Here is what we do.
1-Model What We Mean - If we want our children to speak respectfully to us and others, then we model respectful conversation to them and others. If we want our children to pay attention when we are talking to them, then we pay attention, when they are talking to us. If we want our children to show self-control when they are angry or frustrated, then we must do the same. S. Truett Cathy (Chick Fil' A Owner) says, "Don't be too concerned that your children don't listen to you. But be very concerned that they see everything you do." If we are modeling our lives after Jesus, then our children will be on the right path, too.
2-Accept Where They Are - It is so important in training our children that we take the time to "search them and know them" just as Jesus does with us. Not only should we be aware of where they are developmentally, but also where they are in their day. For example, if your child is running through the grocery store and you cannot get them to stop you might consider if they got enough outside play time that day and reward their obedience with some time at the park after the grocery store. Our 3.5 year old rarely obeys well, when she's tired. I am better off getting her down for a nap, than trying to force her into obedience. For my 5 year old regular snacks are imperative. Her behavior goes downhill, if she does not have regular protein in her body. I am by no means saying that these factors should release them from good behavior. We consider the overall picture first, and adjust our expectations and/or how we handle the situation at hand, if we feel there are other factors contributing to their disobedience. In some cases it is a simple matter of where your child is developmentally that causes them to "look" as if they are being disobedient. One of the trickiest stages is between the ages of 2 and 3, when language and autonomy begin to emerge and your once compliant child screams, "NO!" every time you ask them to do something! While it seems as though your child is disobeying you (and they are to some degree), expressing their autonomy in this way is a milestone in their development. It's your job as the parent to understand this and creatively get their cooperation. My husband and I use the "are you going to get your shoes on yourself today or do you need my help? approach" in this type of situation. You maintain your authority and achieve obedience as well as respecting, where they are developmentally. In the same way we do not expect the same level of obedience from our 5 year old as we do our 9 year old.
3-Examine Their Heart and Meet Them Where They Are - to explain this point I am going to give a recent personal example. We had been having behavior problems with our 5 year old for several months. She was causing much strife between her sisters with lots of leaving one out, playing sides and often just down right meanness. It was such a regular occurrence that it had begun to put a strain on our relationship with her as well as we were constantly correcting her about treating her sisters with kindness. Honestly, I was beginning to loose hope. So, my husband and I sat down and really talked about her. We tried to get behind her eyes and see her world as she does - second in line to a sister with some special medical needs and born very closely to her younger sister (less than 2 years). We had made mental note of several recent times where she had a complete meltdown, when having to do go to something by herself - not with her older sister. We determined that an insecurity within her was causing her to lash out at her sisters. We decided to put her in ballet. Our children don't do any outside activities except church and American Heritage Girls, so this was a really big deal. We found a Christian Dance Studio that reinforced our values and that we knew would help us to build a healthy self-confidence in her. We even went for a special day to buy her leotard and shoes. We explained to the other girls that this was her turn to do an activity and their's would come. In a matter of weeks we have seen her blossom into a confident little girl. The constant bickering between her and her sisters is all but gone. She is kind, helpful and obedient. Most importantly her relationship with me and her daddy has been restored.
The type of obedience my husband and I desire from our children is the same type of obedience God desires from us. It involves a connected relationship and a "right" heart condition. With these things in place, obedience comes easily and naturally. It is our desire in training our children to obey us in this way, that this same type of obedience to the Lord will follow.
"Out of the overflow of the mouth, the heart speaks." Luke 6:45
Check back next Friday for more Faith Filled Kids!
Blessings,
Visit my Personal Blog at A Bokros Kind of Life
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6 comments:
Awesome post Maggie! Having 3 little boys under has been trying - this gives me hope. Thank you! It's nice to hear that parenting can be done like that and to hear about the way your family is able to implement it.
So true! Sometimes we obey but we do things grudgingly and with bad attitudes. We definitely don't need to show that to our children or let our children do it. Modeling is definitely the best. :) If I'm grumbling about laundry or doing housework, what will my children do? The same..
Thanks Elizabeth! I'm glad you are encouraged. While we know this is not maybe the mainstream belief among Christians we have had amazing results parenting our girls this way. They really desire to obey, because they value the relationship they have with us. We are constantly complemented on their behavior. They are truly a blessing to us and everyone around them. This road takes much patients and diligence, s hang in there! I am praying right now for you and your family!
Isn't this is the hardest part!?!
I'm glad I found my way to your blog. What a much needed post for me to read. I will be following your blog, and look forward to reading more great insights from you.
http://www.juliehjabbers.blogspot.com
Yes, their little hearts are so valuable. We must hold on to them. I love the story of listening to your daughter and figuring out what was flowing beneath the problem. I just wrote a post about that too. God is so good to keep on reminding us through our friends that our children are our number one priority. Thanks, Lisa~
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