November 20, 2010
Boy, Oh Boys!
12:00 AM | 
Posted by
Hallee the Homemaker
This past week, in public school, my 8th grade daughter learned how to properly put a condom on a partner and was given instructions on how to choose a good brand. Did I mention that this was done in a co-ed class environment?In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 7, "Boy, Oh Boys!"
Author Voddie Baucham says:
Modern American dating is no more than glorified divorce practice. Young people are learning how to give themselves away in exclusive, romantic, highly committed (at times sexual) relationships, only to break up and do it all over again. God never intended for His kids to live like this. And instead of stepping in and doing something, many Christian parents simply view these types of relationships as a normal and necessary part of growing up. Unless your child is wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson and more godly than David (all of whom sinned sexually), they are susceptible to sexual sin, and these premature relationships serve as open invitations.You might think that your daughter is too young to start talking about boys, sex, expectations, limitations, etc., but let me assure you - no one else is going to be stopped by her age. My son watched Disney Pixar's Cars, and I was appalled at the level of sexual play between the male protagonist and the female protagonist. They're getting indoctrinated, if I may be so paranoid, earlier than we may realize.
My daughter and I have had innumerable conversations on the subjects of boys and sex, and they have gotten deeper, longer, and more explicit as she's gotten older. Thankfully, she has never had a boyfriend, but her friends have. One friend her age had a boyfriend for 9 months whom she broke up with because he had become too controlling. If that doesn't scare you and make you take a step back, consider this statistic: 41% of girls, ages 14-17, report having had unwanted sex. The fact that 41% of girls in that age range would even be placed in a sexual situation is horrifying enough, but to think that that number is only the ones who have had unwanted sex, you may start getting a picture of just how staggering this problem is.My husband and I have been reading a lot of books by Christian authors pertaining to raising girls. As Kaylee ends middle school and approaches high school, we want as much ammunition in our belts as possible. As we finished discussing a sermon on sexuality we heard, my husband, Gregg, said to me, "We must really stress to Kaylee how important it is to her that she maintains her virginity until marriage. We need to stress that it is actually a rule we have, a boundary she cannot cross, because so many parents never say so."
She understands it right now, as well as she can understand it. But she isn't dating yet, and hasn't been placed in any situation that may or may not compromise that.
If you've never taken the time to approach the subject, if you think your daughter is too young, if you've been worried about how to really do it -- please take some time this week and talk to your daughter. Just begin, with baby steps, so that she grows up knowing that there are expectations, limitations, rules, and, most importantly, an open forum with her parents.
My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb
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2 comments:
YES this is a very VERY important subject. My daughter, whose name is also Kaylee :) (spelled the same way!) is 12 and half way through 7th grade. I've already talked with her about sex, on more than one occasion. I wanted to make sure that she knows the TRUTH about sex, and not what her friends say. I also wanted her to know that purity is very very important. We heavily stress virginity until marriage, and have pointed out that staying pure for the one you will spend your life with is not only important but an extremely special thing. And we have taught her that it is something God expects of her.
*We had to talk to her a little earlier than I had planned because a girl in her school was brutally raped last year by another classmate and the entire school was talking about it. Kaylee had questions because she didn't understand what the things that were being said meant.
Just a few weeks ago, I was horrified to find out that a boy had asked her if she would... do a certain act for him. I had not talked to her about this certain thing (oral sex) because I didn't think it was something she needed to know this young. Unfortunately, a little boy didn't agree with that. She didn't know what it was and asked a good trustworthy friend (this happened at school) who told her and then told her to go home and tell me NOW. (I love this friend of hers!) I did not want to have to discuss oral sex with my 12 year old girl, but the need came sooner than I'd wanted. Since then, we have changed our wording from keeping her virginity to maintaining her purity.
It is so so very important that girls learn the truth about sex, apparently even younger than I was aware, and learn to RESPECT their bodies and purity. My daughter, unfortunately, has gotten a lot of unwanted 'sexual' attention because she is a D sized chest. But that is ANOTHER subject... *sigh*
From my own experience, it is VERY important for parents to teach their children, boys and girls, the truth about sex, respecting themselves, and dating. As a youngster, I wasn't taught the truth and it had a profound effect on the way I viewed myself as a teenager.
(Sorry for writing a novel here... this is a subject I feel very strongly about!)
Thanks for this post Hallee.....
I have a seventh-grader daughter and she attends a private co-educational school here in the Middle East. I was so shocked when I read of your daughter's experiences in a co-ed class.
Thankfully, because of conservative culture in this part of the world, sex education is taught in the biology class, and it does explain about contraception etc. - however that's about as far as it goes.
If I was not living in this part of the world, I would take a good long look at homeschooling, which, I am sure many agree, after reading your article, would be the best option for concerned parents of today's school-age children.
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