May 16, 2010
It's okay to ask for help
12:00 AM | 
Posted by
Dani
Orig Published Jan. 9, 2010
I've never been the world's best housekeeper. It drives my husband bonkers as he is also a pack rat and the two of us together are just a recipe for domestic disaster.
I'm constantly behind on housework, laundry, dishes - just like most moms I guess. Our situation tends to get worse then others because the more anxious I get about the mess the worse it seems to get until it snowballs so far out of control that even when we manage to clean - to an outsider it still probably looks very cluttered.
When I was pregnant for my 2nd child, our household was a nightmare as I was on bedrest and suffered from hypermesis. The initial few months after Billy was born I managed to keep the house in an organized but cluttered shape. However as pumping for my preemie took up more and more of my time my house fell to complete disarray. I avoided visits from the few good friends I had and made excuses for my family NOT to come over.
Add in PPD and it was just a mess.
As many of you know this summer I had a renewal of faith and accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior. With this big step I developed some new strong friendships with families in church and developed even stronger bonds with a few friends I had developed over the last year through some moms groups I'd connected with. Looking back at it all I realize that when I joined my church I was blessed not to just join a new church, but I entered into a relationship with my church family which aided me in building lots of good solid relationships.
Fast forward - the whole time I'd been at this church I feel like I've receiving but not giving back to them. It was hard to help with anything except bring meals for fellowships, etc. In hindsight, I'm glad they really encouraged me to just sit back and soak in the Word for a while before jumping into different ministries.
I was invited to everyone's home at least once - a few more than once. I tried to return invitations, but each return invite was just so stressful for me as it involved so much work for me at home because I am just plain disorganized at home.
We found out we were expecting #3 before #2 was a year old... and well any semblance of an organized house I had completely fell apart. I don't know that our home had been this bad EVER. I have major anxiety about the state of my home (although my true friends don't care and are sensitive to this fact). The mess had been growing worse and worse until one day I looked around and realized that this was no way to live. I was only able to clean enough to keep it safe for my kids. I was so behind on laundry and just doing small loads each day jut to have clean clothes to put on. (I'm anal about being in clean clothes and well-groomed).
And then my worst nightmare happened. A good friend came over unexpectedly. She is just one of many friends from church who have been so wonderful to our family over the last couple of months. She along with a couple of other dear friends invited me into her home so my kids would have friends to play with and she pumped me full of fluids and made sure I ate every few hours. At the time I was terrified I was developing hypermesis. I really believe that had she (and others) had not opened her home to me that I would've lapsed into the hypermesis again because of my own inability to care for myself and health needs when pregnant.
I of course was horrified at her arrival. She called to give me some warning, but that was it. She lives a few towns over from me and was delivering food for our church's meals ministry and was only about 5 minutes away at the time of the call.
She brought with her bathroom/kitchen cleaner and trash bags and immediately went to work without being asked. She never said a word to me about the mess other than "stop apologizing and get to work" or "stop apologizing and sit down and have some tea" or "have you eaten lunch yet?"
And what kills me is that had I just accepted the offers of help from my church family weeks ago - I could've avoided the disaster of house I was living in. (and there were MANY offers to help) Nevermind offers for help - had I just asked even without those offers I know I would've received the help I needed whether from my church family or my friends and family.
Nehemiah 2:4-9:
4 Then the king said to me, “What do you request?”
So I prayed to the God of heaven. 5 And I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, and if your servant has found favor in your sight, I ask that you send me to Judah, to the city of my fathers’ tombs, that I may rebuild it.”
6 Then the king said to me (the queen also sitting beside him), “How long will your journey be? And when will you return?” So it pleased the king to send me; and I set him a time.
7 Furthermore I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, let letters be given to me for the governors of the region beyond the River,athat they must permit me to pass through till I come to Judah, 8 and a letter to Asaph the keeper of the king’s forest, that he must give me timber to make beams for the gates of the citadel which pertains to the temple,bfor the city wall, and for the house that I will occupy.” And the king granted them to me according to the good hand of my God upon me.
So I prayed to the God of heaven. 5 And I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, and if your servant has found favor in your sight, I ask that you send me to Judah, to the city of my fathers’ tombs, that I may rebuild it.”
6 Then the king said to me (the queen also sitting beside him), “How long will your journey be? And when will you return?” So it pleased the king to send me; and I set him a time.
7 Furthermore I said to the king, “If it pleases the king, let letters be given to me for the governors of the region beyond the River,athat they must permit me to pass through till I come to Judah, 8 and a letter to Asaph the keeper of the king’s forest, that he must give me timber to make beams for the gates of the citadel which pertains to the temple,bfor the city wall, and for the house that I will occupy.” And the king granted them to me according to the good hand of my God upon me.
In this passage Nehemiah is asking to be sent by the King to Judah and after being questioned, Nehemiah then has the courage to ask the King for help him complete his task. Because he had this courage and faith in God, his requests were granted.
The Lord has really pressed on my heart that sometimes we just need to swallow our pride and get up the courage to ask for help. As women, wives and mothers we really need to support one another. I encourage you to ask for help when/if you ever need it, no matter how hard it is. Or if you see someone struggling, offer that help when you think they need it. Don't be surprised if you get turned down a few times. Just go on encouraging everyone you come in contact with. The Holy Spirit will guide you with the rest.
.. until next week
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4 comments:
Thank you thank you thank you! I can't say it enough. You put words on paper that have been in my head for years. O I have a dibilitating chronic pain illness, raising and homeschooling five kids. My house is a dump, I feel like failure as a wife and mom. I shut everyone out and an consumed by depression and anxiety. I see a therapist and I'm just beginning to see it's ok to ask for help, something I've never done in the past. So than you for reassuring me, I'm ok and it's ok to ask for help!
Wow Krista - thanks so much for this. I'm so glad that this post was able to bless you this week. I encourage you to dive into God's word... reach out to your church family... The resources are there. Realizing that its ok is a great first step. I'll be praying for you.
It's great you're reassuring others that it's okay to get help. It's so easy for moms to try to do it all themselves. I'm glad iFellowship is here to help Christian moms know they have others who support them!
I understand what you mean about asking for and accepting help. God is really dealing with me on this issue. I have a character issue, or really a sin issue of pride. I feel I have to be in control and I cannot ask for anyone's help as that would be showing weakness. God is definitely chastising this child of His.
http://bernicewood.wordpress.com/2010/08/19/i-am-afraid-to-go-back-into-the-lions-den/
Bernice
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