The United States has the highest teen pregnancy rate than any other industrialized nation. In 2006, there were 750,000 teen pregnancies. One third of all end up pregnant before their 20th birthday.

To think that "good Christian girls" are immune would be doing your children a great disservice. As we discussed in Girlhood Interrupted, according to experts, prior to adolescence, a child’s primary influencer is his or her’s parents (or guardians.) There is no cognitive thinking of consequences. That part of the brain isn’t developed yet. There is simply, “Mommy said no,” or, “Daddy said stop." Children are influenced by what we as parents require, demand, control, encourage, motivate, discipline, etc.

Once a child reaches adolescence, though, the parents are no longer the primary influence. Number one becomes peers, and number two becomes the media (and in saying the media, that means movies, television, music, internet, etc.) There is no “this is right and that is wrong,” there is simply, “if I do this will my peers think it’s cool,” or, “if I don’t do that, will my peers mock me.”

The last thing to develop physiologically in a child/teen/young adult is the frontal lobe. That part of the brain is the cognitive thinking part and determines with critical thinking and reasons that a+b=c. A being action, b being reaction, c being consequence. Until that development, there is no a+b=c. There is simply experience (don’t touch the hot stove) and influence (peers and media).

There is no, "If I have unmarried sex I may get pregnant or catch some horrible disease." There is simply, "I have these feelings, my boyfriend wants sex, everyone in the media is having sex, so let's have sex."

In continuing our discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 10, "Teen Pregnancy: Being Honest About the Options."

My daughter's dad has a friend from high school whom I never liked much, and it was a mutual dislike. Recently, and for reasons unknown to me, Kaylee mentioned her and I said that I never really cared for her. Kaylee asked me why, and I looked at my nearly 14-year-old daughter and determined that honesty was called for in this conversation. I said, "Because she's had multiple abortions. Four that I know of. She felt like it was an acceptable method of birth control."

Kaylee started asking me questions about that and I decided to continue my conversation with her. The fact is, she's old enough to possibly get pregnant. I felt like if I ceased the conversation, I might miss the wide open window to have it.

I told her about a Focus on the Family radio program I'd recently listened to. They interviewed a nurse who had spent years working as a nurse in a Planned Parenthood clinic. She was a Christian, and honestly felt like she was doing the world good. One day, they had a guest doctor come in who was a private practice abortion doctor. He did abortion by ultrasound, and this nurse was invited to assist. She was excited, because she'd never done an abortion that way, but had heard of it and wanted the experience. She watched the baby appear on the screen - a fully formed baby at twelve weeks - and watched it startle awake as the probe entered the uterus, then fight to get away from the procedure.

This nurse was sickened. She had always been told, and had counseled hundreds of women, that the baby wouldn't feel anything, that it wouldn't be aware of what was happening. Yet on this screen, the evidence proved otherwise.

She walked away from her job that day and has never gone back. She has mourned for a long time wondering how many young mothers would have changed their minds if they'd known that the baby would be cognizant.

I told Kaylee this story and continued to answer questions about abortion and teen pregnancy. We talked about the show that she's seen at friend's houses that is a reality show about teen pregnancy and mothers. I told her, as I have many times, that sex between a man and a woman as ordained by God in the holy union of matrimony is a beautiful gift to be enjoyed and relished, but, outside of matrimony, either premarital or extramarital, is simply dangerous. We talked about many other topics that day.

The fact is, despite the fact that we teach abstinence, and despite the fact that at this point she herself says, "I know how to prevent pregnancy - don't have premarital sex!", one third of the girls in her class right now are going to end up pregnant. We can't ignore those numbers. If God thought that we could withstand sexual temptation, He wouldn't have told us to flee from it (1 Corinthians 6:18).

We need to teach our daughters (and sons) the realities of abortion (see this amazing series by Brooke McGlothlin), the difficulties of teen parenting, and the pain of giving up children for adoption. We need to continually stress to them, like Kaylee says, that the sure-fire way to prevent pregnancy is to not have premarital sex.

More importantly than all of that, we need to love our children. We need to love them, they need to know and trust that love, and we need to have a constant dialogue with them so that when they need to talk to us, they know they can come to us when they have questions or concerns. Or if they've made a mistake and find themselves one of the third. Because the fact is that one third of us as parents will experience that.

Yesterday, my 13-year-old daughter, Kaylee, and I were at a store buying some essentials to put into a care package for my husband (who is in Afghanistan). While we were there, I stopped by the large magazine rack to see if there were any fitness magazines that he might want or need (he is about to launch a fitness blog). Kaylee asked if she could get a fashion magazine. She is extremely interested in fashion and has even made noises about maybe becoming a fashion designer (the fashion industry could really use a Christian influence - heh.) Before I realized it, she had a copy of Cosmopolitan in her hand. Right on the front cover was: The Sex Quiz You Must Take.

Obviously I told her she couldn't get Cosmo. Ever. And I explained why. Next she grabbed 17 Magazine and asked if she could have that one. When I was in high school, I don't remember 17 being a problem, so I took it from her and looked at it. "Love & Sex Secrets: What No One Tells You About Your First Time". So, no.

Finally she found a tweeny magazine all about girls being girls, with Justin Bieber on the cover. I looked through it, and it was exactly what she was looking for. Her age appropriate spring styles coming out, nothing about sex, and a lot about Justin Bieber.

In continuing our discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 9, "What the Culture is NOT Telling Your Daughter About Sex."

I think one thing to pay attention to before we even enter into this chapter is this:

Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18

When talking about how to deal with Satan, with darkness, with spiritual wickedness, the Bible tells us to stand and fight, protected by truth, righteousness, the gospel of peace, and armed with faith, salvation, and the word of God. When talking about how to deal with sexual immorality, the Bible tells us to flee, to run, to get away from there without passing Go, without collecting $200. I think this is a vital distinction. If sexual immorality were something that we could win against, with all of that armor and weaponry, we wouldn't be advised to flee from it.

Unfortunately, our culture is saying the exact opposite. Dress sexy, look sexy, puff your lips up, show your breasts, let your bra straps hang out of your clothes, wear skinny jeans that show every line and every curve - and do it with the the goal of attracting a man then having sex with him. And hey - have fun while doing it! Everyone else is! Watch this movie, read that magazine article, try this move and that text. Immerse in sexual images, read sexual words, partake in sexual practices. And anyone who tells you that it's wrong is foolish to think that you won't actually do it.

What they're not saying is that aside from the risk of pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases, having sexual relations outside of the bounds of marriage is damaging to our very beings. When a woman has sex, her body releases the neuro-peptide oxytocin - the "bonding" chemical. This is the same chemical that is released when a mother breastfeeds her baby. It promotes bonding and trust - as in the bonding of a man and woman becoming "one" and the trust between a husband and a wife.

Jess Lair, Montana State University, describes this bonding process like this: "Sexual bonding includes powerful emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual links that are so strong that the two people become one, at least for the moment. Sexual intercourse is an intense, though brief physical bonding that leaves indelible marks on the participants...to believe that one can walk away from a sexual experience untouched is dangerously naive."

Worse yet, the more partners a woman has, the less oxytocin is released. According to an article by Dr. John Diggs and Dr. Eric Keroack, “People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual.”

Mark Gungor, author of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage, puts it this way:

It is like taking a piece of strong packing tape and applying it to a box. Leave it alone, and it will hold that box together for decades and decades. Take it off and re-apply it and, well… it just doesn’t hold as well anymore. Keep taking it off and applying it and taking it off and applying it and… I think you get the idea. This is what can happen to a woman who has multiple sex partners.

Obviously, one of the most amazing gifts God ordained for a husband and wife in a state of holy matrimony is sexual intimacy. But what if you aren't a husband and wife in a committed, married relationship? What if sexual behavior is not even conducted exclusively between one man and one woman as our culture more and more says is normal? While culture dubs all sex as "intimate" the truth is that sex outside of holy matrimony isn't intimate. Sex outside of marriage can range from being merely entirely physical and thus empty -- to the most humiliating experience in your living memory -- to downright hurtful or painful physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Yet our culture saturates younger, and younger generations of people with the exact opposite message.

I've talked with my daughter about premarital sex. I've told her that our expectations are her continued virginity until marriage. I've discussed the dangers of sex, the risks of pregnancy, what STD's are and what they can do. I've talked with her about how it will damage her if she has sex, and how much it will hurt her future marriage. But she's just now starting to understand how saturated our society is with this message that it's not only okay, it's expected. She's started to see it everywhere, just as we do, and she's learning how to flee from it.


My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb

Hi. If you read my blog with any kind of regularity, you'll know that my husband has been in Afghanistan for the last almost two years, and that he and I met in Kuwait on Tuesday and are spending the week together in a wonderful time of aloneness. That is only significant to right now because...I forgot to pack my Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter book, and I didn't read the next chapter yet.

So, I thought I'd give you an overview of what I'm currently reading -- since my little corner of Seeds of Faith is titled "Writing Worth Reading."

First and foremost, I'm reading my Bible. I read the New King James Version. Currently, I'm reading 2 Kings and Luke. I just finished reading about Hezekiah's reign and how Isaiah delivered messages from God to Hezekiah. I read about how Hezekiah's son was considered by God the most wicked of any king before him. In the New Testament, Christ just healed Bartimaeus and spoke to Zacchaeus.

I am also reading Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit by Francis Chan. Gregg and I are reading that one together and doing a workbook and watching a DVD with it. This book is amazing. If you haven't read this one or Chan's other book, Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God, I highly recommend both of them.

Here is an excerpt from Forgotten God:

To be honest, I believe part of the desire to "know God's will for my life" is birthed in fear and results in paralysis. We are scared to make mistakes, so we fret over figuring out God's will. We wonder what living according to His will would actually look and feel like, and we are scared to find out. We forget that we were never promised a twenty-year plan of action; instead, God promises multiple times in Scripture never to leave or forsake us. God wants us to listen to His Spirit on a daily basis, and even throughout the day, as difficult and stretching moments arise, and in the midst of the mundane. My hope is that instead of searching for "God's will in my life," each of us would learn to seek hard after "the Spirit's leading in my life today." May we learn to pray for an open and willing heart, to surrender to the Spirit's leading with that friend, child, spouse, circumstance, or decision in our lives right now.

I am also reading Pray Big, the Power of Pinpoint Prayers by Will Davis, Jr. I ordered this book when I wrote my post titled Pray Big For Your Child. I am annoyed that it is taking me so long to read it, and want to finish it by the time I leave Kuwait. I have so little free time to read when I am at home that I grabbed this one to bring with me on this trip intentionally.

Here is an excerpt from Pray Big:

Have you ever listened to how we pray? It's like Christians have developed their own prayer language, and I don't mean the ecstatic kind. "Lord, please bless Bill." What exactly do we mean by that? Do we want God to make Bill more holy or more disciplined? Are we hoping that his business will prosper or that he'll be a better husband? And why do we ask for blessing when Ephesians 1:3 says that we are already blessed with every spiritual blessing that God can give? "God, please be with Joan." God's already with Joan. His Spirit lives in her, and He promised never to leave or forsake her. What do we really want God to do for Joan? "Father, we pray that you give Jack a special annointing." As is there is such a thing as an ordinary annointing. Special annointing is redundant. "And God, we ask that you give Sue an extra helping of Your grace." What is that? Does God dole out grace in measured proportions? That prayer makes God seem as if He has a big serving spoon - that He can be either generous or stingy with the helpings of grace He dispenses.

Last on my list is a book titled First Light by the writing team of Bodie and Brock Thoene. It is the first of seven fictional books that take place in first century Jeruselem. It is the book I pick up to read when I have 5 minutes of downtime and just want to not think too much.

Here is what the back of the book says:

Spiritual and political darkness shroud the world's holiest and most turbulent city. Ruled by Rome and manipulated by religious rulers with only selfish interests in mind, the people of Jerusalem wonder if their Deliverer will ever come. Susanna and Manaen desperately search for hope and meaning - in a world where their love is forbidden. Others pray and wait for light, the True Light of Messiah, to dawn. Peniel the beggar, Marcus the Roman centurion, Zadok the Chief Shepherd of Israel, and his three adopted orphan boys - all long for a vision of hope. Now a healer named Yeshua walks the streets of Jeruselem. Is He the true Messiah? Or only another imposter like so many before Him.

So -- what are you reading?


My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb

Shopping at the mall Thanksgiving weekend, I saw a sight that broke my heart. A little girl of approximately six or seven years old in pigtails and Mary Janes was sitting on the ledge of a store's window front. She was all innocence and bubblegum bubbles, and was laughing at a baby in a stroller. In the window above her head was a Victoria's Secret model, looking up with a seductive look at the camera above her, that looked down the exposed cleavage of the barely covered up breasts, her torso bare down to a very skimpy pair of panties.

It made me so sad that I wanted to grab the little girl and whisk her away from the terrible scene.

In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 8, "The Culture's Message: Sex is Great! Why Wait?"

Two years ago, my husband, Gregg, and I decided to rid our home of anything that condoned premarital sex or showed gratuitous sexuality. You might think, "How hard can that be?" Let me tell you: unless you do something like that, you have no idea how invasive sex is in our culture. We had to get rid of about ninety percent of the movies in our collection - and we had a really large collection. We had to get rid of most of our books (I write romances and had a huge collection of contemporary romance novels - I have since switched to inspirational romance novels). We got rid of cable television and cleaned out the shows that filled our three TiVo's. And we canceled all of our magazine subscriptions, including the publications like "Men's Health" because of the advertising.

We had to go to such extremes JUST to remove premarital sex from our lives.

There is something wrong with a culture that accepts ads like those that are three times life-sized posters that line the windows in stores like Victoria's Secret.

Just pulling a recent PG-13 movie release out of the air, here is the rating notification for "Life As We Know It," a movie my daughter asked if she could see:



"Sexual Material"

Here is the detailed list of "sexual material" from the PluggedInOnline review of this movie (and if you've never used Plugged In as a resource, I highly encourage it.)

Sexual Content

Messer is a womanizer for most of the film—a hunk a hunk o' burnin' love who causes almost every women (and at least one man) to swoon in his presence. A married neighbor, for example, struts out in her nightie to ogle Messer's pre-run stretch. (She hastily adjusts her breasts before he can see her.)

Messer takes full advantage, bedding at least three women. We see him kiss and make out with one of them before she takes his shirt off in the hallway. Later, he bemoans losing his sex-filled life to become a dad. "I had it all, and it was awesome!" he tells Holly. To adjust to his new reality, he says he's picking up new conquests at the supermarket—with Sophie's help. Women stare at men with babies, he says, like "a guy'll stare at a woman with a great rack."

On Messer's infamous date with Holly, he tells her that the best he can hope for is that they'll "get drunk and hook up," shortly before making what Holly refers to as a "booty call" to another woman. We see him hold a woman's rear, apparently pinch another's and cavort in his underwear. Holly shows up in the bathtub quite a bit. (We see her legs and shoulders.) She wears only a towel at one point. She and other women often wear low-cut blouses and dresses.

References are made to male body parts and condoms. Rude comments are made about having sex and not having sex. Strippers and "tranny hookers" make their way into conversations. A joke is cracked about what would happen if a tweenage babysitter were old enough to have sex with the baby's father. Gary, one half of a homosexual couple, tells a neighbor that he and his partner "used to have sex all the time." And they're later shown holding hands. Holly is propositioned over the phone by another woman.

When Messer leaves Holly and Sophie for a bit, it appears as though Holly invites another man to live with her.

If you don't teach your children that premarital sex is wrong, unhealthy, damaging to their minds (more on that in upcoming chapters), and sinful, I'm afraid that no one else will. Every single message they're going to receive from the world is going to tell them the opposite. Almost every one of their friends will lose their virginity in high school. It will be a topic of conversation from middle school forward, and if you don't battle it now, you will lose the battle in the future.

If you aren't reading this book with us, I would very much encourage you to do so. If you have sons, a phenomenal, eye-opening resource is Every Man's Battle by Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker. My husband and I have both commented that it should be required reading for every parent of a boy.

Our 13-year-old daughter knows to check with us before she watches a show or a movie, and she'll know the reasons why she can't watch some things or read other things. As best as we can explain it to her, we are teaching her about the value of her virginity and about how amazing it will be to wait for marriage.

It isn't a subject we avoid, because no one else is avoiding it. It is an area where we are fighting for her and doing our best to protect her.

My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb

This past week, in public school, my 8th grade daughter learned how to properly put a condom on a partner and was given instructions on how to choose a good brand. Did I mention that this was done in a co-ed class environment?

In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 7, "Boy, Oh Boys!"

Author Voddie Baucham says:

Modern American dating is no more than glorified divorce practice. Young people are learning how to give themselves away in exclusive, romantic, highly committed (at times sexual) relationships, only to break up and do it all over again. God never intended for His kids to live like this. And instead of stepping in and doing something, many Christian parents simply view these types of relationships as a normal and necessary part of growing up. Unless your child is wiser than Solomon, stronger than Samson and more godly than David (all of whom sinned sexually), they are susceptible to sexual sin, and these premature relationships serve as open invitations.

You might think that your daughter is too young to start talking about boys, sex, expectations, limitations, etc., but let me assure you - no one else is going to be stopped by her age. My son watched Disney Pixar's Cars, and I was appalled at the level of sexual play between the male protagonist and the female protagonist. They're getting indoctrinated, if I may be so paranoid, earlier than we may realize.

My daughter and I have had innumerable conversations on the subjects of boys and sex, and they have gotten deeper, longer, and more explicit as she's gotten older. Thankfully, she has never had a boyfriend, but her friends have. One friend her age had a boyfriend for 9 months whom she broke up with because he had become too controlling. If that doesn't scare you and make you take a step back, consider this statistic: 41% of girls, ages 14-17, report having had unwanted sex. The fact that 41% of girls in that age range would even be placed in a sexual situation is horrifying enough, but to think that that number is only the ones who have had unwanted sex, you may start getting a picture of just how staggering this problem is.

My husband and I have been reading a lot of books by Christian authors pertaining to raising girls. As Kaylee ends middle school and approaches high school, we want as much ammunition in our belts as possible. As we finished discussing a sermon on sexuality we heard, my husband, Gregg, said to me, "We must really stress to Kaylee how important it is to her that she maintains her virginity until marriage. We need to stress that it is actually a rule we have, a boundary she cannot cross, because so many parents never say so."

She understands it right now, as well as she can understand it. But she isn't dating yet, and hasn't been placed in any situation that may or may not compromise that.

If you've never taken the time to approach the subject, if you think your daughter is too young, if you've been worried about how to really do it -- please take some time this week and talk to your daughter. Just begin, with baby steps, so that she grows up knowing that there are expectations, limitations, rules, and, most importantly, an open forum with her parents.


My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb

We exist in a culture that seems to set out to make our children into adults earlier and earlier in their life. They are bombarded with messages and images that cry out to them to leave childhood behind and make adult decisions, to dress like adults, to act like adults.

In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 5, "Girlhood Interrupted."

According to experts, prior to adolescence, a child’s primary influencer is his or her parents (or guardians.) There is no cognitive thinking of consequences. That part of the brain isn’t developed yet. There is simply, “Mommy said no,” or, “Daddy said stop." Children are influenced by what we as parents require, demand, control, encourage, motivate, discipline, etc.

Once a child reaches adolescence, though, the parents are no longer the primary influence. Number one becomes peers, and number two becomes the media (and in saying the media, that means movies, television, music, internet, etc.) There is no “this is right and that is wrong.” There is simply, “if I do this will my peers think it’s cool,” or, “if I don’t do that, will my peers mock me," or, "this ad said this was SO cool."

The last thing to develop physiologically in a child/teen/young adult is the frontal lobe. That part of the brain is the cognitive thinking part and determines that a+b=c. A being action, b being reaction, c being consequence. Until that development, there is no a+b=c. There is simply experience (don’t touch the hot stove) and influence (peers and media).

My father spent 29 years in the Army training and leading young men, and 9 years at a boys’ military boarding school. During those many years as a leader, motivator, and influencer, he said that when that frontal lobe developed, it was like a light-bulb suddenly came on. One day a boy might be doing this because his peers suggest that’s the “cool” thing to do, and the next day the boy realizes that doing such a thing is in the way of his goals (like getting into college) and stops doing such things.

There is no magic age. It begins in adolescence and ends in young adulthood – and the individual determines that timing.

The problem with the adolescents of today is that there is such a saturation of media and peer influence and a removal of parents. Every television show deemed "cool" and "popular" by adolescent watchers have very little adult interaction, or the adults are fools. Children today have their own money and are marketed to on an intense level. Children have their own cell phones and call or text each other constantly without adult supervision or interaction. Children have their own computers and internet access. Some they carry around in their pockets, some are on the desks in their rooms. However they access the internet, there is a bombardment of advertising and marketing directly aimed at them, enticing them. They have entire television stations designed to entertain them 24 hours a day, and with that entertainment comes messages and marketing.

Basically, children have cocoons of their own nearly parent-less world, with this marketing and media frenzy that is feeding their influences. And these influences are prompting them to make adult decisions and lead adult lives.

Vicki Courtney writes:

Studies show that kids who are exposed to sexually explicit song lyrics, as well as television shows such as those on MTV, are more likely to have early sex. Pay attention to song lyrics, movie ratings, television shows, Internet activity, and other media influences that have adult themes and draw appropriate boundaries.

When we "cleaned house" we were shocked at how many television shows that we watched on a regular basis featured premarital sex in them, as well as gratuitous sexual situations, images, etc. My daughter, Kaylee, asked me the other day if we still could watch "The Mentalist". We loved that show, but two characters not only had premarital sex, they were shown in bed together, which made us remove it from our list as well.

Last year, when she was 12-years-old, my daughter's best friend came "out of the closet." It has been agonizing and fascinating to watch it. A few weeks ago, Kaylee's class went on a 4-day trip. At the drop-off point, as kids were pulling suitcases and bags out of cars, a group of girls walked past Kaylee's friend. One of them said, in reference to her suitcase, "Pink and black polkadots? What are you? A girlie man?"

I cannot believe that a group of 13-year-old girls know about homosexuality, much less joke about it. To me, that was nothing more than evidence of just how far gone our children's childhood has been taken.

Sunday evening at church, playing on the playground with the kids, I listened to Kaylee have a conversation with some friends from youth. Part of the conversation went like this, "So, he was sexting this other girl, and she found out."

Until that moment, I didn't even know that Kaylee knew what the term "sexting" meant. It occurred to me that the 8-10 hours a day that she is away from home, I have zero control about what she hears and is exposed to. But, I can constantly and consistently check up on her, listen in, ask questions, make conversation, force her to include me in her life so that I can retain some control.

It is up to us as parents to stand up and demand that our children remain children. We can't hand a 9-year-old a phone with internet access and expect them to make good decisions with it. We can't let a group of girls convince our daughters that"everyone does it, so it's okay." It's our job. It's our responsibility. And whether our children know it or not, they're counting on us to stand up for them in the face of this fallen world.

On a mommy message board, I posted one of those questionnaires with a question in it that said, "What is your favorite thing about you?" Out of the 65 women there, one woman said, "My rear end." Every single other woman said, "My children, my husband, my skills making cake, etc." No one else had a favorite thing about them that had to do with their physical appearance.

In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 4, "Redefining Beauty."

In the introduction to this chapter, Vicki Courtney says, "Only two percent of women would describe themselves as beautiful." Only two percent. That is a LOW number.

The problem is that in this society, we are bombarded with images of what society deems as "beautiful" women. 19-year-olds with surgical enhancements, who starve themselves to appear healthy and thin, and then are airbrushed into even more "perfection" and then placed on display. There is no way a 38-year-old mother of three can look at a picture like that and secularly compare in her mind.

As I type this, I'm enjoying spending time with my maternal grandmother. She is enjoying one of her "shows" and is watching the original CSI. I cannot help but flinch when I look at Marg Helgenberger and how she has butchered her face in the name of "beauty." Every slice of the surgeon's blade was supposed to remove natural age from her face and ended up leaving her looking like a bad accident.

However, the true definition of beauty does not lie in anything that can be photographed or captured. It is nothing that can be surgically enhanced. It is nothing that can be gotten out of a bottle of hair dye.

Psalm 139:14 says:

My husband and I went through a spiritual revival about 18 months ago. Part of that revival was cleaning out what we take in. I don't mean food. I mean all of our sensory input: television, movies, games, music, internet, radio, etc. We stopped consuming sin, in a way to quit condoning so much sin in our culture.

In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 3, "Buyer Beware: Exposing the Media's Lies."

This chapter thoroughly touches on all areas of media, from magazine articles to lyrics in music, to television shows and commercials, and how these areas in our lives continually and constantly sexually objectify women. You can't watch a college football game without a scantily clad model touting a beer brand. You can't watch a crime show on television without a scene in a bar with naked pole dancers kissing each other.

When Gregg and I cleaned out our media collection, we were SHOCKED at how much we had that we didn't even know we had exposed ourselves to. Both of us are more action movie oriented than anything, but just putting the standard that it could not contain premarital or extramarital sex and gratuitous sexual situations or scenes, we lost about 75% of our movie collection. There isn't a popular music station we can listen to for more than a few minutes. And, we've cut any kind of television watching completely out - canceling our cable subscription and sticking with DVD's of approved shows.

Ephesians 5:3-4 says, "But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God's holy people. Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving."

When we constantly expose ourselves to sights and sounds that are sinful and improper for God's holy people, then we're eventually making ourselves apathetic to the sin itself. If we see over and over again sex between unmarried men and women, different men, different women, over and over -- then what we're telling our brains is that there isn't anything wrong with it. That everyone is doing it. That God's word is antiquated and not suited to the world in which we live today.

When we allow women to constantly be objectified, then what we're projecting is that it is okay for our children to be that way, act that way, dress that way. When our daughters to leave home with brastraps hanging out of half tops and skirts that barely cover their rear end, we're allowing them to become sexual objects, eye candy for any man whose vision they cross.

When parents allow their little girls to purchase pants that have sexual messages imprinted on the backside (bootilicious, yummy, juicy), sexual messages on the t-shirt ("legal-ish" or "what tan lines?" - actual shirts), thong underwear in little girls' sizes, lacy bras, lacy looking "bra" straps built into off the shoulder clothes to give the appearance of underwear hanging out -- when we allow our 9-year-olds to sexualize themselves in ways that grown women shouldn't - then we are destroying our girls' innocence and taking a huge chunk out of their childhood.

1 Timothy 2:8-10 says, "I desire therefore that the men pray everywhere, lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting; in like manner also, that the women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with propriety and moderation, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or costly clothing, but, which is proper for women professing godliness, with good works."

Allowing our children, our teens, even our own selves, to dress immodestly is to send the signal that it's okay, that it's normal, and that it's proper to allure men sexually. The Bible clearly tells us that outside of the boundaries of holy matrimony –it is not okay. The Bible warns men over and over again about being a slave to sexual immorality, to sinning with the eyes and with the heart, to falling prey to the sexual allure of immoral women. It is a battle that men will fight from the time of puberty until death. A young man said in an interview with author and pastor's wife, Carolyn Mahaney:

Each and every day is a battle - a battle against my sin, a battle against temptation, a battle against my depraved mind. Every morning I have to cry out for mercy, strength, and a renewed conviction to flee youthful lusts. The Spirit is faithful to bring me the renewal I need to prepare me to do war against my sin, yet the temptation still exists. Sometimes, when I see a girl provocatively dressed, I'll say to myself, "She probably doesn't even know that a hundred and one guys are going to devour her in their minds today. But then again, maybe she does."

We need to guard what we take in. We need to be hyper-protective of what our children see, read, hear, play. We need to make sure that they never become indifferent to the barrage of sin that is hitting the airwaves every single second of their lives. When they understand what is sin, when they can be on guard against it, then they can battle it and stand up for themselves against what society - what the media - is telling them is "okay" and "normal."


My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb

The average woman in America is 5 feet 3.8 inches and weighs 163 pounds.

The average runway model is 5 feet 11 inches and weighs 120 pounds.

It's no wonder that 53% of American girls are unhappy with their bodies, and that by age 17, 78% are dissatisified. It's also no wonder that spending 3 minutes looking at fashion magazines lowers the self esteem of 80% of women.

In continuing my discussion of Vicki Courtney's 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter, we enter into Chapter 2, "The Size Demise and the Weight Debate."

Romans 12:2 says:

Do not conform any longer to the pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will."

That said, our daughters are growing up in a culture that is absolutely obsessed about weight. The number of diet related articles appearing in womens' magazines rose 70% between 1968 and 1984, and Americans spend $30 billion a year on diet products. Young girls are more afraid of becoming fat that getting cancer. A recent article in USA Today said that more women would rather be poor than be overweight.

This is my daughter:


I could not believe it the other day when she grabbed some loose skin on her belly and made the remark that she was starting to get fat and needed to lose some weight.

If nothing else, this woke me up to how susceptible she is to marketing. Even though we've read this book together and she intellectually knows all of these facts and figures, she is still a child of this world, this generation, and weight is such a focus.

It is important to teach our daughters, and to remember for ourselves, that God formed us in the womb. He knew what our body shapes and body types would be before he even crafted the stars. There is a popular Christian song that says, "You (God) made everything wonderful. What does that make me?"

God made you. He has a plan and a purpose for your life and for your daughter's life. We need to work hard at keeping our daughters' focus on God and God's plans rather than what the world says about this generation's "perfect" body shape.


My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb

My posts tag is "Writing Worth Reading." The idea being that I would go chapter-by-chapter through a book. I've spent the last couple of weeks trying to find a book with some fresh insight, something new and exciting to serialize. Looking through my extensive book collection (my husband, Gregg, and I joke about the fact that when he logs on to christianbook.com, they have an office party) I saw a book I started on my blog but never finished - 5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vickie Courtney. I'm not certain why I never finished blogging about it, because my daughter, Kaylee, and I finished reading it, but I'm happy that God has given me this opportunity to share this amazing book.

Gregg bought this book while working out of town a couple of years ago. He read it and the statistics in it opened his eyes to a lot of things we need to be concerned about in modern culture. As soon as he was finished, he called me and said, “I have this book. You must read it. You must read it with Kaylee.”

Just to give you an idea of some of the statistics the book faces, I’ll share this:

Conversation no. 1 is titled “You Are More Than the Sum of Your Parts” In it, we learn that:

• by the time a girl turns 12, she’s been exposed to 77,546 commercials.


• 58% of girls describe themselves in negative terms including disgusting and ugly.


• 60% of women believe that society expects them to enhance their physical attractiveness.


• The average woman is 5 feet 3.8 inches and 163 pounds. Only 8% of women have an hourglass figure, 46% of women have a rectangular shape, 21% are spoon shaped, and 14% are shaped like an inverted triangle. However, the garment industry assumes the hourglass figure to be the dominate shape, which leaves 92% of women struggling to find clothes that fit, making most of them feel that something is wrong with their body.


• More than 43% of 12 to 15 year-olds have been told by their physicians that they are overweight.

Chapter 1 of the book is entitled, “Pretty Packaging.” Within that chapter, you find that an author named Joan Jacobs researched girls’ diaries and journals from the late 1800’s to the early 1900’s. In her book, The Body Project, she reports that she found that “before World War I, girls rarely mentioned their bodies in terms of strategies for self-improvement or struggles for personal identity.” She states:

“When girls in the nineteenth century thought about ways to improve themselves, they almost always focused on their internal characters and how it was reflected in outward behavior. In 1882, the personal agenda of an adolescent read, ‘Resolved, not to talk about myself or feelings. To think before speaking. To work seriously. To be self restrained in conversations and actions. Not to let my thoughts wander. To be dignified. Interest myself more than others.” She notes that for girls in that time period, “character was built on attention to self-control, service to others, and belief in God.”

What changed after World War I? Mirrors were introduced into the home. And as they became popular, women began scrutinizing their bodies and comparing them to other women’s bodies. In the 1920’s, on the heels of the introduction of the above-the-sink bathroom mirror, cosmetics became popular. And then the compact sales soared, because they allowed women to scrutinize themselves and repair any damage while out and about.

Shortly after, bathroom scales were introduced into the picture. Brumberg writes that when young women left home in the 1800’s, they would write to their mothers happy about healthy weight gain and voracious eating habits. When the household scale followed in the footsteps of the bathroom mirror, by the 1920’s, women began worrying over weight gain and food restriction (dieting) because a common topic. As Vicki Courtney writes, the shift from virtue to vanity has been on a runaway train ever since.

She spends a good portion discussing the Photoshop makeovers and airbrushing of magazine covers and billboards, and how detrimental it is to our perception of beauty. Right around the time Kaylee and I read this chapter, someone posted this video on my Facebook page:




It is SUCH a vivid example of exactly what Vicki Courtney was addressing.

So, I was driving down the road this afternoon and heard this song on my Christian radio station. I've heard it before, but I've never tied it into all of this until I read this book. I've posted the lyrics below, because the lyrics are IMPORTANT.

Jonny Diaz - More Beautiful You
From the album More Beautiful You

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn't straight
her body isn't fake And she's always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care
your skin your body your hair
Are perfect just the way you are

There could never be a more beautiful you
Don't buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you've already done Anything to get ahead
And you say you've got a man but he's got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there's a man whose love is true
And he'll treat you like the jewel that you are

Chorus
So turn around you're not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It's not too late you can be saved

If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forgets
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who's strong can right your wrongs

Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with his light he will show you truth
And again you'll see through the eyes of a little girl

My daughter is wonderful, and smart, and amazing. Her heart is so big that I’m amazed you can’t see it beating out of her chest. She is deeply spiritual, loves the Lord, loves Christian music, loves her youth group. But, she’s a child of this world. She reads Teen Vogue and changes clothes six times a day and stresses over the color of lipgloss she’s wearing. And she’s 13.

Children are on such a rapid maturing schedule in this society that it’s scary. She has friends whose boyfriends are already pushing for sex, and they’re 13 and 14! She has friends who feel like they’re overweight and they cut themselves with razor blades as a self-induced punishment regularly. She has friends who stick their fingers down their throats and throw up every meal so that they can stay in those size 0’s.

Right now, Kaylee is still communicating things like this with me, but there’s going to come a day when that will end and she’ll be communicating things like this with her friends, working problems out with her friends. She will need to have the base that we’re providing her with God, love, open communication, and the compilation of information like what is found in this book to make her way through those precarious teen years.

If you have a daughter, I strongly urge you to get this book, read this book, read this book WITH your daughter. She needs this information and she needs to know what she’s facing in the world.

Check back here for an overview of chapter 2!







My personal blog: Hallee the Homemaker
Find me on Twitter: @halleeb