Showing posts with label Image Bearing Marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Image Bearing Marriage. Show all posts
February 13, 2011
Maintaining the Image
12:00 AM | 
Posted by
E Living
Well, I am officially back! Many changes are going on in my and my family's lives, but you can read more about that on my personal blog. I'm just happy too be writing for Seeds again!
In high school I had a close friend, let's call her Cindy. She was a vibrant, smart, outgoing and beautiful girl. She took care of herself by eating as best as an average teenage girl does, she was on the high school soccer team, and was always up to date on all the new fashion trends. When we got into college, she gave up her soccer days in exchange for a job as a waitress at the school cafe. Everything else about her pretty much stayed the same, but she had to run every now and then to combat the few extra pounds she had gained while working at the cafe. She tried to stay on top of fashion, but since she was on her own to buy clothes now; she went for more classic looks and didn't buy as many high fashion clothes. We graduated college together and moved back to our hometown. After a few years working, she married her college sweetheart, and they settled down to start a family. Her first pregnancy was a zip, no problems, textbook the doctor said. The extra baby weight was worked off at her local gym while hubby or grandma watched the baby.
Then came the twins.
She gained a few more pounds than she wanted to, and was so distressed with taking care of the kids that she slowly gave up on herself. Her mother offered to watch the kids while she went to the gym, her husband tenderly nudged her in that direction also, but she wouldn't listen to them...she said it was just not going to happen. It's hard to see a close friend go from a well dressed, healthy woman, to a worn out mamma who doesn't care much any more. Now you may want to come to her defense and say, "well you haven't had kids or gained much weight...so you don't know what it's like". I may not know exactly what it's like for someone else, but yes I have had three kids and have had to work out to get back into a healthy state. It is hard, but it pays off more than you know.
The story of Cindy was a conglomeration of stories from several women I have known, and it's a sad one. Not only because they gave up caring for themselves, but also because they gave up for their husband.
What??
Yes, their husband. Not that being skinny, or looking like the girl your husband met is the goal - it's not; but "maintaining your temple" is. For God's glory AND for yourself AND for your husband's enjoyment. Consider these two verses...
1 Corinthians 6:19-20 "Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies."
Proverbs 31:22 "She makes coverings for her bed; she is clothed in fine linen and purple."
As addressed in an earlier post, Image Bearing Sex, a pinnacle part of the image bearing marriage lies in the marriage bed. "Yes; God made man and woman, but the ultimate Image Bearer came when He created the marriage union, and it was consummated. The great celebration of marriage is the coming together of two image bearers in marriage and becoming one flesh. Sex. Becoming one ultimate Image Bearer." (Excerpt from that post) This goes hand in hand with maintaining the image. We are to maintain this body, this temple that God has given to our self and our husband. 1 Corinthians 7 is a great chapter for this one, here's a snippet from that chapter. " 3 The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife."
Let me say this in closing...
"Maintaining the Image" is not about being a certain dress size or having the latest fashion trends; it's about caring for the body you have been gifted with, celebrating it, and helping your husband fully enjoy it as well.
I decided to begin a new chapter in my blog that is very exciting, and if you like my posts here, you will be sure to love the idea for change on my blog; read about it here.
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October 16, 2010
The Fairy Tale
11:06 PM |
Posted by
E Living
Yes; she did fall madly in love and she did get married. But it wasn't perfect like she had thought it would be. Marriage was full of real life, and it was tough.
A one year deployment to Iraq, 3 baby boys, and 11 moves (three being cross-country) later, you can still find that girl married to her Prince Charming. They have lived through many mistakes, and celebrated just as many triumphs...but the biggest triumph was coming to grips with the fact that marriage is not a Fairy Tale.
This girl
was
&
is
ME
Marriage is fulfilling in so many ways, and the ways in which it is better are far beyond the comprehension of that young girl so long ago. How could you explain the beautiful chaos of marriage to that starry-eyed little girl?
I have grown so much since getting married; and I don't think that would have happened had I not gotten married. Second to becoming a Christian - it has been the single most important thing in my life. I will never be the same, nor do I want to be.
But, how do I show the next generation of starry-eyes that marriage is incredible while helping them to prepare for a real life "forever and ever" covenant that won't fall apart at the first sight of dragons?
It starts with me and the image of marriage I live. It took me a long time to realize I was sabotaging what could have been my greatest source of fullfilment becasue I was still projecting my fairy tale expectations into my marriage.
Is it always fun? No.
Is it always easy? No.
Would I choose the same thing again? Hands-down YES.
But, how do I show the next generation of starry-eyes that marriage is incredible while helping them to prepare for a real life "forever and ever" covenant that won't fall apart at the first sight of dragons?
It starts with me and the image of marriage I live. It took me a long time to realize I was sabotaging what could have been my greatest source of fullfilment becasue I was still projecting my fairy tale expectations into my marriage.
Are you like me?
What do watching eyes see in the way you live married life? I hope it's worth the discussion. I would like to share a few things that really helped me make my covenant more of an Image Bearing marriage.
One: Accept the one you married as a sinner - like you - he is not perfect and cannot be held to unrealistic expectations. God is the one who does the refining...not you. Remember that God shows His power when we think we are at our weakest moments.
1 Peter 3:1-2 "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."
Two: You first need to deal with your own personal spiritual life before you look at your spouse's. If you have problems in your life that you thought marriage would solve, take another look in your own heart first. How clearly do you see the picture? Did you get married to feel loved forever, or to glorify God through the love?
Matthew 7:3-5 "Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
Three: You cannot blame your spouse on the circumstances of life. This, I think, is the toughest one to swallow. Meditate on this ultimate eternal truth for a day: God is Sovereign.
*Do you have financial burdens?
*Trouble with the kids?
*Having issues with ______________ (fill in the blank)?
Those problems were allowed to happen. Yes; it would be nice to "feel" better about your situation and you can try to do that by blaming someone (your spouse)...but it won't do you any good. Actually it will hinder your marriage. I know; because it's happened to me.
Four: Dig into the word of God and see what it has to say about being a wife for His glory. What's the point of this beautiful chaos in the first place? Take the focus off of what you thought something was supposed to be like, and put it on what the main purpose is.
To see more, find me at
P.S. There are also tons of great books out there that touch on this subject. (A few are: The Excellent Wife by Martha Peace, and Loving God With All Your Mind by Elizabeth George are two that I have read, plan on re-reading and think they are very good reminders of all of the above.)
September 21, 2010
"I'm sorry" vs. "Forgive me?"
12:00 AM |
Posted by
E Living
I hope you are married to the most wonderful spouse in the world.
(I am too, by the way)
Yet, while he has the ability to bring me incredible joy and fulfillment, he also has the ability to make my blood boil and test the limits of my patience and temperament. To be fair, I know that I do the same for him at times.
We have learned together that the end of the argument is far from the end of the "situation". But, we have also learned that ending the "situation" with a "forgive me" vs. an "I'm sorry" can bring radically different outcomes. Do you know what I am talking about?
Do you remember the last time you were offended, and your spouse's attempt to reconcile was to say; "I'm sorry"? It can be like salt to an open wound. "I'm sorry" can involve very little owning up to what they did to you (repentance), especially if they say it in frustration or condescension, simply to end the argument. And, if you have experienced that awkward situation where you want reconciliation - but know it's not resolved, there is not much you can say in reply. Here's a few interesting things about the word "sorry".
Saying "I'm sorry"
Definition: –adjective, feeling regret, compunction, sympathy, pity, etc.: to be sorry to leave one's friends; to be sorry for a remark; to be sorry for someone in trouble.
Saying "I'm sorry" requires nothing of the offended. It only shows that the offender feels bad about what they did, not necessarily a concern about the condition or feelings of the offended.
It's self-centered.
Now here's a few words about forgiveness.
Saying "Will you forgive me?"
Definition of "forgive": –verb (used with object)
1. to grant pardon for or remission of (an offense, debt, etc.); absolve.
2. to give up all claim on account of; remit (a debt, obligation, etc.).
Saying "Will you forgive me?" requires an answer from the offended. It also requires the offender to give up the high ground, in humility, for the sake of true healing to occur in real time (not necessarily right on the spot).
Which one would you rather receive from your spouse when appropriate?
Which one should you be giving?
My husband and I have far from the perfect marriage, but we have established rules for God honoring behavior as much as we can determine from God's Word. One of them is to ask forgiveness and wait for an answer before thinking the situation is resolved.
Forgiveness is an important theme throughout the Bible. Esau forgiving Jacob, Joseph forgiving his brothers, Moses forgiving the Israelites, David forgiving Saul and Shimei, Solomon forgiving Adonijah, Jesus forgiving us, and commanding us to forgive our enemies. Here are a couple verses that you may recognize.
Luke 6:32-33
"If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them.
And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that."
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
Matthew 18:21-22 (The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant: an awesome one about forgiveness!)
Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.
Luke 17:4
If he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times comes back to you and says, 'I repent,' forgive him."
Asking forgiveness for our sins and repenting from them is part of the foundation of our salvation - and our marriage.
So why would we think
little
of asking forgiveness for the small every-day offenses?
Ponder this; and the next time you are tempted to say a quick "I'm sorry" to that God-given other, catch yourself and make it meaningful. Ask for their forgiveness - and if you need to, take it to the Lord and ask for His forgiveness as well.
With you for His glory,
September 3, 2010
On Learning to Be Still
12:00 AM |
Posted by
Anonymous
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A friend recently voiced his discontent with having to sit still and let his body heal after a bad motorcycle accident. And I was reminded of a season God took me through to teach me how to be still.
The first four months of my pregnancy with my fourth daughter were brutal. I had been sick in the beginning of my other pregnancies, but nothing like this. I think the worst part of it was that God was trying to teach me something and I was fighting it tooth and nail. When I learned I was pregnant I made a deal with God that went something like this...."OK God. Since you are giving me this baby and you are aware of all that is on my plate right now, then surely you will make this as easy as possible on me! (Yes! I really did have the audacity!) I did not want to rest! I did not want to lay in bed all day! I did not want to have people waiting on me! I had things to do!! But He had other plans for my time.
I can tell you quite honestly that the moment of surrender --His Will for mine-- was one of the most precious in my walk with the Lord. He began to gently walk me through my day. He showed me how to enjoy my daughters in a whole new way. He taught me how to appreciate my husband in a much deeper way. He taught me how to be gracious in receiving help. He taught me how to count my blessing and be purposeful about finding joy in my life. Most importantly He taught me how to be still.
He continued walking with me....teaching me. And then when my daughter was born it became even more clear why He had laid the path He had throughout my pregnancy. My baby (now almost a year old!) had extreme colic. She cried and cried and we walked in circles around the house......for hours (and hours) on end. I remember the day, when she let me sit down and rock her instead of walking. My backside was completely numb, but I was so happy! It was not uncommon for me to rock her or wear her in a sling 10-12 hours out of the day. I was so thankful God had prepared me ahead of time. Don't get me wrong there were days I was tired. But I was so content just to rock her, because that's what she needed.
My children need me to be still to connect with them. My husband needs me to be rested to enjoy time with him. My God needs me to be quiet to hear Him.
"In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength." ~Isaiah 30:15
So, how about it? Do you think you can be still today?
August 22, 2010
Image Bearing Sex
12:00 AM |
Posted by
E Living
Yes, we are going to talk about that little three letter word with a BIG meaning – “sex”! Now, don’t be bashful ; sex is a beautiful and magnificent gift that God has given to us! It’s a need for men AND women! Really! Don’t agree? Keep reading.
Let’s take a trip back in time…
It’s your wedding day. The ceremony and reception were beautiful, and now you go home to your new life with your husband. The following night is usually well remembered by most married couples. Can you remember how excited, scared, or maybe even bashful you were? Chances are, the following hours, weeks and months, were wonderful – and sex was GREAT! It was new and exciting, passionate and unplanned. It was fun!
It’s your wedding day. The ceremony and reception were beautiful, and now you go home to your new life with your husband. The following night is usually well remembered by most married couples. Can you remember how excited, scared, or maybe even bashful you were? Chances are, the following hours, weeks and months, were wonderful – and sex was GREAT! It was new and exciting, passionate and unplanned. It was fun!
Then life happened…
You gave birth.
Your body changed.
Your kids demanded your time.
Your husband worked long hours.
Dishes and laundry did not wash themselves.
You know…
Life.
Sex became (can become) something that does not reflect what it was supposed to be. It can be lustful, animalistic, selfish, sacrificial, a “duty”, abusive, fantasy-filled…you name it. People can twist what was meant to be the pinnacle of marriage, and turn it into something completely opposite.
In the beginning, God created man and woman as Image Bearers. The culmination of His creation came, not with man, but when man was given a mate for life; a mate whom He would become one with. This “oneness” was ultimately celebrated through sex.
And God created a married couple. The ultimate Image Bearer.
Sex is the great celebration of the unity that God created man and woman to have. It’s the ultimate gift He gave to a husband and wife. Image Bearing sex is a celebration of oneness that God has made out of two. It is something that is unique and powerful every time, which two Image Bearers can only experience together and celebrate together in a way that cannot be experienced by any other two Image Bearers. In this manner, even the most intimate and beautiful displays is an act of worship.
Most of us forget what sex was meant to be. Even the “best” advice usually renders this incredible blessing to the degradation of a duty or a tool. How God’s heart must break for our marriage beds!
How do we reclaim our marriage beds for Christ? How does He redeem that gift so that we may celebrate it like God intended it to be experienced?
I, yes, even I have a tough time sometimes “getting into the mood”. I am “tired”, I didn’t “have a good day”, we just had a fight, I feel “over touched” from being with toddlers all day, etc.
Forget all of that. Really.
Jesus made all things new. He gave sex for a reason, and He redeemed the two fallen creatures who have polluted it with guilt, shame, pride, selfishness, greed, ignorance, and worldly lust.
It feels like it matters, but it really does not.
First of all pray. Yes…pray. Pray that God will give you the right heart and desires for your husband. Focus on your spouse and how that person is God’s answer to your loneliness and unfulfillment. “ God saw that man was alone and it was not good.”
Go back to the basics and keep it simple. Talk about what you like and what your spouse likes. Only do what both of you are comfortable with. Remember what it is you are celebrating - and let each other celebrate! Say you just ended a fight and your day has not been so great. I can honestly tell you that the best thing you can do other than forgive and repent, is to make love.
Yes, sex can heal many wounds. If you truly forgive and then celebrate the return to oneness that follows! Let the past be the past and let life melt away. Ignore everything running through your head and focus solely on your spouse.
Remove all distractions and
just
let
go.
Feel everything. Enjoy everything.
Now…go celebrate your oneness!
With you for His glory,
To see more, find me at
The Lean Green Mommy Machine.
Inspiration for this post not only came from my own struggles in this area, but also from a few writers and speakers.
If you would like to hear more along these lines, please listen to a message from Family Life Today by Bob Lepine. He was talking to a group of women at a True Woman conference about The Origins of Marriage earlier this year. Click here to hear that message. Scroll over and click on the August 9th broadcast. It’s a good one!
Also visit The Holy experience by Ann Voskamp. Click here to read a beautiful post that is sure to speak to your heart.
July 25, 2010
What is Image Bearing?
12:00 AM |
Posted by
E Living
"Man reflected God. Wow! Let’s discuss what this means for man as he bears the Image of God. Bearing His Image means more than just being like Jesus in form or character. It means that each one of us is given the responsibility to be His representative here on this planet. Think of all the most magnificent things you can imagine: Jupiter in the sky, the sun, a sunset, Mount Everest, the Grand Canyon, the earth itself, the dinosaurs, the great blue whale, the ocean. God did not create any of these things to be his representation on Earth. None of these things were given the responsibility to care for everything else; to make things grow and develop; to rule everything and make it better; to decide how, where, and when things would be; to have meaningful relationships that would affect the rest of creation. Nothing else was crowned with glory and honor. This great responsibility was given to man. Man would be God’s physical representation over this small portion of Creation called Earth. Man’s ability to do these things is a reflection of His Image. Not the whole Image, but the parts reflected are God’s Image and no one else’s......Strength, peacefulness, courage, dignity, and humility are all marks of His Image being represented in us through our faith. It is when we focus on His purpose for our life instead of the brokenness of our circumstances that we experience the power of the Holy Spirit conforming us into the likeness of Christ. This is what it means to be an Image Bearer."
A.M. LaMouria, The Living Image p. Tate Publishing, Inc. Muskegon, OK, 2009 (pp.34&36)
Wow, we are "given the responsibility to be His representative here on this planet". That's a powerful statement, and it permeates EVERYTHING in our lives...not just the parts that our family, friends, and acquaintances see. We represent the Image of God! Amazing.
And scary.
Have you thought about how you represent the Image of God within the responsibilities of your life? As a mother, a daughter, a wife, a lover, a friend, a sister, a teacher, etc. Chances are, you have considered your influence in a few of these areas, but maybe not all of them?
Let me ask you this; how have you represented the Image of God to your husband lately? In my life, I know that I fall short in many areas, but the main one is just letting the "little things" go. I can be more like the contentious woman spoken about in Proverb 27:15-16, than the Proverb 31 woman who "does him (her husband) good, and not harm, all the days of her life (vs. 12).
God created us to be helpers to our husbands. We have the awesome privilege and responsibility to minister to them in ways no one else can. The union of a husband and wife is the closest human relationship a person can have - who better to reach into their life and lift them up, praise them, and encourage them? My challenge to you today, is to take that responsibility and to act on it. Love your husband the way God wants you to, and bear the Image as only you can.
Next Image Bearing post: Image Bearing Sex. Keep your eyes peeled - it'll be a good one!
Next Image Bearing post: Image Bearing Sex. Keep your eyes peeled - it'll be a good one!
With you for His glory,
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