Looking for and finally finding a church for my family and I has been a project all in its own. I have had this view of what I thought it should be and what I wanted from one. While my old church was a great one with a great message and wonderful people, it just wasn't what I knew I wanted. So we stopped going.

My youngest two didn't want to stay in the play rooms and my oldest two thought it was more of a play date than a learning experience. It's hard to always be the one who gets everyone up and moving when you're not enjoying it yourself.

I have been working on me and getting back to whom I used to be. Knowing that with four kids, a house to help run and a busy lifestyle, it isn't always easy. Finding my identity would be just as important.

Lets backtrack a little:

My hub's buddy came over for a BBQ and asked if I would join him on his church softball team. I thought ... Softball ... fun ... let's go for it. When I went to the first tryout I felt like I could make a few friends. Great people, lots of fun, and of course something to do that was for myself.

I asked about his church and for some reason got the impression there wasn't a child care. So I felt and said to myself, "well this wouldn't be the church for me". My hubs and I talked about checking it out one at a time, but in the long run we wouldn't be able to attend. So I settled with just being a part of the team.

Fast-forward to last week's game:

The team wanted to meet up at Taco Bell after the game, so my dad and I went to join in on the after-game conversation and yummy food. Somehow the conversation went from the game and what we could do different next game, to church.

I didn't think that the pastor had a child because he wasn't at the practices. But at that night's game he was there. So I thought and asked "well where does he go during church if you don't have a day care??". They said that they had one, and one of the the teachers was there at Taco Bell.

Well, we talked about my children being hesitant and not wanting to attend and they encouraged me to try it out.

Fast-forward to last Sunday:

We went to church, all excited to get back. My children instantly fell in love with the welcoming rooms and people. I felt at ease knowing I would have a few friends from the team there and that I was getting to meet new people.

That is when it hit me. Belonging to and wanting to be a part of this community of people. The message was not being told to us but taught to us. Knowing your identity. Living by the word of Christ. I took away a lot that day and felt I found what I needed.

My identity has always been questioned. I have always questioned me. Knowing what you should be and want to be is a lot different from just doing it and living it. I was the popular girl, the one many wished to be (and still try to be).

I at times seem like I have it all and have it all down pat. The truth of the matter is I am always trying to appease people and make others feel comfortable. If they aren't religious, I usually try not to speak of my beliefs. I'd rather play the "socially accepted" cool person instead of being just me.

I am the type who truly doesn't care what others think, but at the same time I know that I do.

I learned this past weekend what is truly important to me. My identity is that which I make it, and I can no longer let those make it for me. I am a Christian and will start living by His word.

If those around me can't handle me knowing my identity...well it is simply their choice. As a mother it is important to show my children that I know who I am and that it is important to be comfortable in my own skin.

Don't question yourself because of what others want you to be. Being "socially cool" is not always the road to take and I am learning that. Faith is important! It's not only for your prayers and your beliefs, but as well as for in yourself.

So my point is this, my identity is in Him. I will not be ashamed of who I am and what I believe. I will always struggle to live up to the Lord and I will sin, I am sure. But know, I have been forgiven and have been sanctified.

God does not need me, I am in need of him. I WILL stand up in my identity and I WILL NOT back off of who I am in his light.

Ephesians 4:21-24
²¹If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: ²²That ye put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;
²³And be renewed in the spirit of your mind;
²⁴And that ye put on the new man, which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.